English is a Crazy Language

English is a Crazy Language (Part I)
July 1, 1996

English is the most widely spoken language in the history of our planet, used in some way by at least one out of every seven human beings around the globe. Half of the world's books are written in English, and the majority of international telephone calls are made in English. English is the language of over sixty percent of the world's radio programs. More than seventy percent of international mail is written and addressed in English, and eighty percent of all computer text is stored in English. English has acquired the largest vocabulary of all the world's languages, perhaps as many as two million words, and has generated one of the noblest bodies of literature in the annals of the human race. Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a crazy language -- the most lunatic and loopy and wifty and wiggy of all languages. In the crazy English language, the blackbird hen is brown, blackboards can be green or blue, and blackberries are green and then red before they are ripe. Even if blackberries were really black and blueberries really blue, what are strawberries, cranberries, elderberries, huckleberries, raspberries,

Before/After Marriage

Before Marriage - - -
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

jokke

Sign language

There was a construction worker on the 3rd floor of an unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then he pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and finally

Teacher: Where does God live..?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom..
Teacher: Why do you say that..?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the bathroom door and says, 'God, are you still in there..?'



 Class room jokes
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born..
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old..